Omiem.

At first, I wandered along obvious paths, careful to know where I was in relation to where I left. I made sure I stayed within sight of the cabin, but an overwhelming desire to escape this madness pushed me beyond the tree line and into the saturated green canopy beyond.

It struck me as odd that such a lush area seemed so lacking in life of other kinds. There no animals around, whatsoever – no squirrels, no insects, not even a single bird that I swear I heard earlier that day. The place was vacant, except for me, and I was constantly aware of my own presence as if it upset the nature that surrounded me. I felt like an outsider here, yet it still echoed of familiarity. I would hook left or right, or try to spontaneously go in a direction I had not originally planned to travel. No matter what action I took though, it felt like I had intended to do it.

As I made my way into a deeper, jungle-thick environment, I thought more about what this place could be. I know I had sensed it before, from the smell of the beach to the shape of the large mountain, and even this calm and creepy serenity where I found myself. All this emphasis on logic made me conclude that it wasn’t a dream. I was really in a strange habitat, full of strange individuals that seemed to all be out of place. However, these bizarre qualities became less peculiar after what I would experience next.

At the edge of a huge ravine, I decided to take a short rest on the roots of a nearby tree. Constantly moving uphill, downhill and trying to stay surefooted made me tired. I was getting thirsty too. In fact, I asked myself if this was really a good idea, perhaps I should’ve just stayed back at the cabin until I got any answer. “Patience would’ve paid off,” I told myself. “It always does.”

Suddenly, I heard a crack in the forest from across the ravine. The large drop separated me from whatever it was, but my heart stopped anyway. This was a bad idea. I could tell from the lump resting heavily in the back of my throat. I didn’t move, yet I did look up to see what was out there. I guess animals of some type did inhabit this place. I looked around, yet saw nothing. Looking back down, I noticed my shoe was untied, and after fixing that issue, I glanced upward again. This time, I did see something.

It was hidden deep within the trees across the ravine. I had to squint to make it out, but when I did, a strong feeling of discomfort settled over me. It was a Centaur. Damn, they were real. Oh God, this was really happening! This one didn’t look like any of the others I witnessed. He appeared to be very large and quite menacing, and something about him bothered me. Maybe it was a combination of his mohawked mane and the large staff he carried that got to me, but I didn’t know for sure. I watched him for a second or two before realizing he was watching me back. He didn’t move though, so I wasn’t too alarmed. I also had the ravine and several acres of foliage dividing us. “I wonder if he can jump that gap,” I thought. He never even tried though.

As we continued to cautiously spy on each other, I asked myself even more questions. Why wasn’t he on the beach? Why was he just looking at me? Did he follow me in here? Do the others know? However, before I could even guess the answers, he quickly turned and ran off.

That was enough to tell me it was time for me to go as well. I thought it best to just head back to the cabin. It was getting darker anyway.

Slowly, I stood back up, rubbing the circulation back into my lower legs before setting off again. I tried to backtrack – retrace my steps as much as possible, but everything looked different. Rocks and trees that weren’t there before suddenly blocked my path. Maybe I was just lost and didn’t want to admit it to myself. This actually gave me quite a cause for concern, and I started freaking out. My heart started racing, as did I, through the thick forest ahead – first one way, then the other. I think I may have even doublebacked several times. Part of me was even scared that the Centaur I saw would catch up with me.

I kept running and running until my foot got caught on a vine. BAM! Down I went, face first into the leaves and dirt. Even though it knocked the wind out of me, I recovered quickly. I was probably bruised in a few spots, but I was no worse for wear. After holding and massaging my ankle for a bit, I noticed an oasis – a large pond, right in front of me. This was the cleanest, clearest water I’d seen since I came to. It wasn’t half the sanctuary of the “holding unit,” but it would do for now.

I couldn’t be sure of its health risks, so I didn’t drink any of the pond water, though I was very tempted to. A few splashes on my face and arms sufficed for the time being. As I rested again to catch my breath, I saw the shadow of something appear reflected in the water. The more I made it out, the more I could tell it was a Centaur. In fact, it was the same one I saw earlier. He just stood atop a large nearby rock and watched me. I didn’t dare look upward though. I wanted to do as little as possible that would let him know I saw him. I figured ambivalence would serve me well here. However, not long after he appeared, he was gone again. He didn’t stick around nearly as long as he did before, but to me that was a good thing. The less I saw of him, the more comfortable I was.

When he left, I kept looking at the rock on which he stood. It was inviting, a higher point that would allow me to see where I was, as well as a place that would help me find the cabin. Upon realizing that, I wasted no time getting there – sore ankle and all.

On the rock, I noticed that the forest stretched as far as I could see. From that height, I spotted the pond and the ravine. There was no sign of the beach or Centaurs or any kind of civilization anywhere – just the tall mountain that seemed to be everywhere. Then I saw it: the cabin. I took quite a trek away from it apparently, because it was now higher than I was. There was a large hill and a wide open path leading up to it. “If I could just get to the clear area,” I thought, “I’d be there.” So cautiously, I climbed back down the rock and stayed on the most direct path I could in order to get there.

It worked. I made it into the clearing. I discovered that there were many paths leading to it, and it didn’t take long to see why. In front of me was a large, square stone slab. It looked very ceremonial in nature, like it was put there with a purpose. There were deep creases that ran across both diagonals, with the outline of a wide circle carved into the center. However, what made me feel really weird is that I recognized this thing too. Unlike this place though, I knew instantly where I had seen the slab before.

It was about 1992 or ‘93, and I drew the outline of this thing at school. I remember it so well because I applied it to everything I did around that time, like a makeshift logo. I didn’t use it very long, but before I retired it, the image worked its way onto everything from my notebooks to clothes, and I even tacked it onto an underground ‘zine I was publishing at the time.

The whole thought of this being a dream came back to me right away, even though this experience felt nothing like it. It was too real. I had to actually be going through all of this for me to feel the ocean breezes on my skin, the scent of the trees in this forest, the fear of unknown circumstances and this level of consciousness. However, things still seemed off, mainly because I couldn’t believe it. I mean, here it was, all laid out in front of me as plain as day, a mix of tangible feelings and intangible emotions that I associated with my experience. It all stemmed from seeing this stone slab that was no more than an echo of a drawing I made a long time ago.

I had to tell someone about all this, but the only real person here I could go to was Etand, and I wasn’t even sure if he would be of any help in this area. Nevertheless, I thought it was important enough for at least him to know about all of this. “What could it hurt?” I thought to myself. Hell, anything from Soren or Luci would help me at this point. I was still without the answers I had sought to find, but I could feel I was getting closer.

I saw Etand still relaxing on the porch as soon as I got back up to the cabin. “Well, I’m not dead,” I shouted, “At least, I don’t think so.”

“Congratulations. Neither am I,” he replied.

“Rather, I think I’m losing my mind.”

“I apologize, but I’m not sure I follow you.”

It took me a minute to catch my breath and figure out what I wanted to say, but I’d soon find that it would come naturally. I also hated to bring up a topic from our earlier conversation, but I couldn’t resist. “Can I ask you something?... What is death?”

“Death?”

“Yeah. I mean, what is ‘death’ to you?”

“Death. Okay, do you want a simple answer or a loquacious explanation?”

Figuring that the simple answer would consist of “Death is when you die,” I opted for the latter.

“Death to me isn’t so much an event as a state of being,” he asserted. “Death occurs when archetypes like us are at their natural ends, when existence determines a person’s life has no place else to go.”

I paused and pondered for a moment over his answer, but he quickly interrupted my thought process. “What brought this on?” he asked.

“I think I wrote about this place.”

“Wrote about it? You mean before you came here?”

“Yeah. I recall – yeah, I’m sure I did.”

“Hmm. Were we in it?”

I drew a blank, but responded anyway. “You know what? I think so.”

“Interesting,” Etand spoke with assurance. “How does it end?”

His question left me even more confused. “Now that I think about it,” I said, “I don’t even remember finishing it.”

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